Dumb Drunk Sh*t

Take a second and think about the first couple of thoughts that popped through your head when you read this title. Everyone has done some drunk shit in their life. Some, definitely dumber than others, but it's alright. I have spent too much time doing dumb drunk shit.


To top my list of dumb drunk shit, I have tried a couple times to open the door of the house with my car remote. Yeah, I know. I stood there pressing open, expecting the back door to fly open. I've also waken up on the side of roads and highways with no clue of how I got there or why I was there. I've sent my brother into the spot to get me a slice of pizza and driven home to go to sleep before he came out. I've waken up drunk and gone to work in the morning plenty times. I have gotten so drunk that I couldn't see and called the wrong chick. I tried to fight a cop downtown a couple towns. AG saved me once. J Hite saved me twice. I hate cops, but that's another entry in itself. I've peed on car door handles when the weather was below freezing so the piss would solidify on them, don't judge me. I've called my ex a celeberity's name. I do not remember which one.


Compared to other's, I'm just average. I know a dude who got faded and kissed a random crackhead bum in Philly. I know a drummer for a band, who actually has a video on MTV now, who woke up drunk in Virginia with a tattoo across all of his fingers. It says HOPELESS, of all things. He still doesn't even know the tattoo spot that he went to, to get it done. My boy tried to kill his cat with a plastic spoon. My other boy went a fair one with his mother. I know a girl who passed out in her car, threw up and peed on herself. I know a dude who passed out in the club bathroom, and shitted on himself. I know best friends who got drunk and fought each other in front of the cops. The fight escalated from a dumb ass argument over who was more drunk. I know someone who jumped from his bedroom window and broke his arm. One night stands with someone you normally wouldn't be caught in the same crowded room with. My boy sat with a bad one at the bar of a club and spit game while spitting up. How you throw up and holla at someone, I don't know, but it happened.

The wildest and funniest shit that I have done, I do not remember. I've waken up to many times to stories about the shit that I did the night before. I woke up one morning limping. Pause, but my ass cheeks and right heel was hurting. Get you fucking head out the gutter right now. A couple hours later I get text messages asking me if I'm alright because I fell down the stairs something crazy. I woke up on my brother's couch one afternoon, asked him how we got there and he said I drove. He also said that I drive better drunk than sober. (I doubt it, but I don't remember). I was also told that I started smashing a girl in the passenger seat, at the gas station, while my boy went in to pay for some gas. When he got back, I didn't stop. SMH, once again, don't judge me.

After proofreading this shit, I really need to stop drinking. They say the truth comes out when you're drunk. I believe this is correct for about 80% of the time. The other 20% is an unconscience effort to do the exact opposite of what you would normally do. How many of you blame it on the alcohol? All of you. How many of you make plans to blame it on the alcohol?? If this is you, SMH.